The Contest

Midterms are coming up, so here goes a meager attempt to cheer up those who have lots of papers looming overhead (ok, forgive me for the bad joke…I didn’t make it up myself):

Jesus and Satan were competing in a timed essay-writing contest.  God the Father was the Judge.  Satan knew that Jesus was the swifter and most excellent thinker and typist, so he ordered some minions to crash Jesus’ computer. 

However, when Satan finished and went to hand in his essay, God said that Jesus had already submitted His entry and that Jesus’ work had been so perfect that He had already won!  The bewildered Satan was furious.  He summoned the minions and screeched violently, “How can this be?!??”

The minions shuddered and cried out wretchedly, “JESUS SAVES!”

*****

“Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” – Acts 4:12

“You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.” – Acts 4:19

For the Love of God

In the early pages of Fyodor Dostoevsky’s hefty masterpiece, The Brothers Karamazov, there is an intriguing scene featuring a “lady of little faith” and the holy elder, Zosima.  To the fatherly sage, the lady intimates her fantasies of forfeiting all her worldly possessions–and even forsaking her invalid daughter–to become an angel of compassion to the destitute.

“I close my eyes and think and dream, and at that moment, I feel full of strength to overcome all obstacles.  No wounds, no festering sores could at that moment frighten me.  I would bind them up and wash them with my own hands.  I would nurse the afflicted.  I would be ready to kiss such wounds,” she rhapsodizes.

But then despair benights her visage, and she laments: “Yes.  But could I endure such a life for long?…I shut my eyes and ask myself, ‘Would you persevere long on that path?  And if the patient whose wounds you are washing did not meet you with gratitude, but worried you with his whims, without valuing or remarking your charitable services, began abusing you and rudely commanding you, and complaining to the superior authorities of you (which often happens when people are in great suffering)–what then?  Would you persevere in your love, or not?’  And do you know, I came with horror to the conclusion that, if anything could dissipate my love to humanity, it would be ingratitude.  In short, I am a hired servant, I expect my payment at once–that is, praise, and the repayment of love with love.  Otherwise I am incapable of loving anyone.’”

World’s Oldest Profession

Nope, it’s not the one you’re thinking.  Here’s a joke that I heard from my dad a few years ago.  It was so bad that I actually laughed:

A surgeon, an architect, and an economist were having lunch together.  They got into a debate about the primacy of their professions.  The surgeon argued, “In Genesis, God created Eve from Adam’s rib.  That required surgery, so clearly, my profession is the oldest in the world.”

The architect retorted, “Well, even before that, the Bible says that God made the entire universe, creating order out of chaos.  Surely God was an architect before He was a surgeon!”

That’s when the economist laughed, “Ha!–who do you think caused the chaos?”

Earning Admission

 

I once heard a joke that illustrated Ephesians 2:8-9 quite nicely:

An upright, clean-cut man dies and finds himself standing before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.  St Peter says, “Ok, so here’s how it works.  You need 100 points to make it into Heaven.  Tell me all the good things you’ve done, and I’ll aware you points depending on their goodness level.”

Discerning a Calling

Yesterday, I attended the annual South Brunswick Women’s Leadership Conference.  I went to a workshop on education and another one on culinary arts (yeah, yeah, stop laughing).  Listening to the panelists share about how they arrived at their current careers made me reflect on how I made the decision to attend seminary.

Really, I am indebted to several folks: spiritual mentors, professors, friends…and Tim Keller and Rick Warren…

Weak & Foolish

“Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.” – Psalm 126:5

I am going to seminary in six months.  Three months ago, I made a list of 10 reasons why I should not go to seminary.  One of the items on my list was this: An M.Div. would draw me into deeper and more direct ministry in the church.  In other words: I’m afraid to serve God, because His people can be mean and may drive me bananas.

No Kadosh!

 

In middle school, I had an endearing, but somewhat-strange Social Studies teacher who liked to shout, “No kadosh!” while rapping our desks with a wooden ruler, whenever he sensed sub-par studenthood.  We seemed to hear “No kadosh!” a lot, but in our defense, his was the ninth and last class of a very long school day.  (Edit: On second thought, this quirky saying may have belonged to one of my high school math teachers instead…)

I had no idea what “no kadosh” meant until recently, when I discovered (while preparing a Sunday School series on the Book of Numbers) that “kadosh” (qadosh) is the Hebrew word for “holiness.”

The Perils of Misquoting Scripture

This is a joke that I once heard from a Sunday School teacher:

A missionary was unable to attend his friends’ wedding, so he sent the new couple a brief telegram that read: ”May your marriage always reflect the beauty of John 4:18.” 

Unfortunately, he meant to reference 1 John 4:18, which reads: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

Go to Him

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” – 2 Timothy 3:16-17 

Recently, I talked to some friends about how difficult it is to communicate the Gospel to someone who recognizes no higher authority beyond himself.  Equally (if not more) difficult is communicating the Gospel to someone who acknowledges God and even divine revelation, but would rather trust his own reasoning than trust the Bible for what it says.

Humility & Confidence

 

Last night, it occurred to me to ask God for more humility and more confidence.  As I prayed, I realized how lacking I was in both.  It seemed like a strange contradiction.  How could a proud person lack confidence?–or an insecure person, humility?

But then I began to understand that a person cannot have true confidence unless he is first humble, nor can he be truly humble unless he first has confidence.